A few days ago very unfortunately one of my friends’ uncle passed away succumbing to his newly diagnosed Cancer. His death had come as a shock to the entire family. A few of my friends and I paid a customary visit on that same night to my friend to express our feelings toward the loss. The Son of the deceased was in a state of trance even as the funeral pyre of his dad was lit. The dead person’s widow had fainted along with his mother and mother-in-law. The three ladies didn’t even know that he was cremated. It was such a pathetic scene and it struck in me a fear of the unknown. But that is not what I wanted to discuss with you today. From the topic itself most of you would’ve guessed what it is! Yes – Lets talk about the funeral rites observed in India!
We were at the burning ground and the deceased person was laid to rest on a bed of wood and covered by it too. His son was then required to carry a pot of water around the pyre three times. The boy who was just about my age was in a state of stupor and the pot had to be squeezed into his hand and held tight by one person while two others had to carry him around his father’s body thrice ( his tragedy-struck body refused to even blink an eye). At this point my friends who accompanied me had the common-give-that-poor-boy-a-break look on their faces looking at that guy being compelled to perform the funeral rites even at this state.
Later on when we were talking among ourselves they were saying it was not correct to put the near and dear ones of the deceased through so many customary rites. “Are these rites necessary?” “What good is to still observe all of these meaningless rites?” These were the few questions in their hearts. Let me direct these questions at you.
Are these rites necessary?
What good is to still observe all of these meaningless rites?
The rites can be as cruel as shattering the bangles of the widow, removing her mangal-sutra and bindi forcibly. In this case the poor lady didn’t even know that all these things were done to her too just imagine her shock on waking up and finding the three things that make up most of an Indian woman’s identity missing on her. Excruciatingly cruel isn’t it?
So tell me again, are these cruel rites necessary?
The answer according to me is one big, “ Yes”! Observing all these stringent and tough and very excruciating rites help the near and dear ones of the deceased to come to terms with the loss. It is not a new phenomenon for the mind to deny the loss in order to circum-navigate the pain that is associated with acceptance of the loss. This refusal of the mind to grieve can have severe undesirable psychiatric effects.
When the person is made to observe the rites ( such as carrying the pot around three times, lighting the funeral pyre, putting rice in the mouth of the deceased, bathing the body with arapu and the bindi and mangal- sutra and bangles are removed from the hands of the widow by shattering) he/she is forced to come to terms with the reality and accept the loss. This Acceptance is the first step in the healing process. Coming to terms with the reality forces them to grieve over the loss. Grieving externally by talking about the loss, crying over it is the second step in the long process of healing of the mind’s hurt that ensues. All these hard customs act as the burning tincture which quickens up this process of healing.
Dear friends, don’t put down the customs of our Land. Our ancients were really brilliant folk. Don’t follow them blindly try to isolate the logic behind each custom and then observe them for then they will have more significance to you.
Give this a thought and give me your feed backs!!!!
For now Adieu!
